hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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