Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
