Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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