I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Damn victory sex feels great
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