He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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