so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My penis needs a shock collar
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize