Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
