Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
