i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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