just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
