i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
