I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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