Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
