Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
