Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
