What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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