If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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