Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
