they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
