new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
