Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
