Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
