When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
