god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
