it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
