A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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