I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
