would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
