We won't sleep together?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
