I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize