i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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