Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was like eating out sand paper
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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