I have demons in me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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