Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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