I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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