you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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