hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
