I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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