I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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