Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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