no, he came in my armpit
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
