How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
