I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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