walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
