I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
