Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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