I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
