I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
