I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
