I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize