I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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