just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
