How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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