and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize