is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
