porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize