you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
