hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
