you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
