A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
