Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize