Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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