Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
