They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
