If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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