I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
