I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
