At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
