your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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