I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
