Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
