hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
