youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
