Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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