stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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