Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
