My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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