I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
