His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
