my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
