my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
