I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
