I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
