never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
