i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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