You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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