Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
