I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
