Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize