I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize