Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
