Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize