Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
