the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
