you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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