I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
