everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize