You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
