You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
