I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
