come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize