Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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