Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
