I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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