It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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