he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
