I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
